


Clashing Harmonies

by darthswift13



Series: Classical Music AUs [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe - Classical Music, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epistolary, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Musical References, Musical theatre references, Phantom of the Opera references, Social Media AU, Textfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:13:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 8,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthswift13/pseuds/darthswift13
Summary: Rey Johnson is an up-and-coming young soprano who has just been cast as the lead in a new opera composed by Benjamin Solo, who is known for being eccentric and difficult to work with.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Classical Music AUs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976920
Comments: 16
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The beautiful moodboard for this fic was made by the amazing [ Lena! ](http://twitter.com/bensoloswhore)

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**_Meet Our Main Characters 🌹 _ **

**[__](https://i.imgur.com/1n17eaj.jpg) **

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** _Our Lovely Accompanist🌹_ **

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**_The Music Director of First Order Opera Company🌹_ **

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**_Opera Husbands🌹_ ** **** ****

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**_ And last but not least, this Queen🌹 _ **

**_ _ **


	2. Chapter 2

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	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit goes to my friend [ Debbie](https://twitter.com/foIkIxre) for coming up with the concept of an unsent text message in her fic [ "Galaxy Wars" ](https://twitter.com/foIkIxre/status/1214219679201402880), which you should definitely check out! I use the unsent text message concept in this chapter as well as in a few other chapters down the line.

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**A text Ben almost sends:**

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	4. Chapter 4

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	5. Chapter 5

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**_A text Rey almost sends, but then deletes:_ **

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	6. Chapter 6

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_**Our musical theatre girl is going through it (Rey's Spotify feed):** _

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	7. Chapter 7

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**_Poor Ben's search history:_ **

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	8. Chapter 8

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	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beautiful magazine cover and pages in this chapter were made by my amazing friend [Lena!](http://twitter.com/bensoloswhore)

_**3 Days Later...** _

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	10. Chapter 10




	11. Chapter 11

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_**Rey's Spotify feed:** _

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	12. Chapter 12

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**_Meanwhile, Rey is now verified on Twitter:_ **

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	13. Chapter 13

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	14. Chapter 14

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**_The progressive queen in question:_ **

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	15. Chapter 15

Rey had fallen asleep during the ride back to her apartment. She wakes to the feeling of a kiss on top of her head and the sound of his voice, her favourite voice, saying her name. Her head is resting on his chest and his arms are wrapped around her. She almost wants to just stay here like this. 

Almost.

Her eyelids flutter open and she stirs, sitting up as she yawns and stretches her arms over her head. She smiles and kisses him.

“Shall we, then?” she says, taking one of his hands in hers as they step out of the car. She leads him up the stairs to her second-floor apartment and unlocks the door, revealing her small but cozy studio apartment.

Her space is just as she left it: her same beloved vintage red sofa, her same black and white fleur-de-lis patterned bedding, the art work in differing sizes with various eclectic frames hung about her walls — including Rosetti’s Persephone, which she recently found at a thrift shop and has quickly become her favorite; there’s her prized collection of programmes from various musicals in neat little frames, and fresh flowers in a vase on her small dining table. A red record player is host to her precious Original London Cast Phantom of the Opera vinyl. And — _blast_ — her cup of tea from this morning still rests on her kitchen counter, and she hopes Ben won’t think she’s a slob. 

Everything is the same as she left it but she _feels_ so different now that he’s standing beside her, and there’s something somehow intimate about him just being in her apartment, in her private space, her little sanctuary amidst the cold, grey New York winter. 

Rey finds herself feeling slightly nervous, suddenly; she has longed for this moment, but now that it has finally arrived, tension is hanging heavy in the air and she realizes she’s been awkwardly standing in the doorway and hasn’t said anything to Ben.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” his voice, gentle and tender and reassuring as always, snaps her out of her reverie. 

“Sorry,” Rey blurts. “I — nothing. It’s nothing,” she adds with an anxious laugh, closing the door behind them a bit more forcefully than she had intended. 

She slides off her jacket and hangs it on a hook by the door and nearly stumbles and knocks over the keyboard that sits beside it, the sheet music from Persephone’s final aria that’s propped up against it wobbling haphazardly. 

She is standing with her back to the door and he is so impossibly closer to her, only a breath away. His eyes are on her lips as their labored breaths mingle, and she finds her own eyes drawn to his full, pink mouth and she is suddenly reminded of their conversation from the night before and his insistence on using _that_ particular emoji.

Acknowledging their feelings, she realizes, is still something very new to them. Even kissing and holding hands is brand new; anything else has only ever existed in her imagination. But now he is here, he is _hers_ , and they are completely alone together, finally, for the first time.

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” he asks, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand, and she feels the nervousness that had been tugging at her chest beginning to melt away at his gentle touch, and at the sound of his voice, sweet and gentle and adoring as ever. 

“Yes... I am,” she says finally. And she means it this time. She stands up on her toes and gives him a quick kiss. “But I was thinking...” she smirks. “Perhaps we should get out of the doorway.”

She laces her fingers with his and leads him to her bed, biting her lower lip as she looks up at him with wide, hungry eyes, and they sit down on the edge of the bed.

“You have a very lovely apartment —” Ben starts to say as he glances around the space, but Rey cuts him off.

“ _Ben_ , darling,” she says, adjusting herself so she’s sitting on his lap. His eyes widen in response. She can feel him beneath her, already so hard, and she nearly gasps. “ _Please_ shut up. You can tell me how much you like my flat later,” she informs him, smirking slightly, and then her lips are on his and they are kissing, hungry and desperate as she feels one of his hands slide through her hair and rest at the nape of her neck, while his other hand glides down to find her waist. She feels his tongue slide into her mouth and she moans, aching with the wanting that has consumed her for over a month now.

“ _B_ _en_ ,” she says fiercely, pulling away ever so slightly. She bites her lower lip again and takes in the sight of him before her, her eyes scanning every inch of his frame, sturdy and muscular and broad shouldered and tall, impossibly tall, his dark eyes worshipful, his lips so soft and full, his hair falling in perfect waves. “Ben, I want you. I _need_ you. _Please._ ”

“I need you, too, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear as she feels him pressing up against the place where she needs him the most, making her whimper.

There is something fierce and tender in their eyes when they meet each other’s gaze, something more powerful than mere lust, and that all-too-familiar fear begins to creep back and her instinct is to look away, to focus on the more mechanical aspects of this endeavour the way she always had during her casual uni flings, never opening herself up to feeling anything more than a simple primal release. 

But things are different now; things are different with _him_. 

She says his name and it sounds like a prayer, a desperate plea, and again she kisses his lips, this time slowly, tenderly, sensuously, stroking his face, tangling her fingers in his hair. 

She pulls away and their eyes meet again. Ben is looking up at her with a reverent adoration that makes her cheeks flush red. He runs his hands down the sides of her dress, his fingertips brushing against the dark green silk.

“This is a beautiful dress,” he tells her. He kisses her jaw and then begins to rain kisses down her neck as she tilts her head back, gasping as he begins suckling against her pulse, one of his hands slowly finding its way to the zipper on the back of her dress. His fingertips linger against the pull of the zipper for a moment. “Is this okay?” he asks softly. Rey nods and he smiles. 

“Well, then. Like I said, it is a beautiful dress...so it’s a shame it’s only going to end up on the floor,” he tells her.

Rey gasps as she feels him pull the zipper down and his hands glide against the bare flesh of her back.

She grabs his face and pulls his lips to hers again as she grinds against him, the thin straps of her dress beginning to fall to her shoulders. 

She pulls away from the kiss for a moment, and they are both gasping for air, her chestnut colored waves sticking to her forehead slightly as she appraises him, still fully dressed in his suit, bow tie, and dress shoes. 

“Well, _this_ simply won’t do,” she tuts, shaking her head. 

“What won’t do?” he asks. 

She shakes her head again, smiling slightly. 

“You’re wearing altogether too much clothing, Benjamin,” she scolds as she starts tugging at his suit coat. 

He swallows hard and nods. 

“Oh, um... right,” he replies, immediately acquiescing her request as he shrugs off the jacket.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous,” Rey adds, grinning. She kisses him again as she undoes his bow tie and nimbly works at undoing the buttons on his shirt. 

When she pulls her lips away he brushes a strand of her hair out of her face. Rey takes his hand and guides it lower, imploring him to pull down her dress the rest of the way, and he obliges. The dress collapses around her waist and his breath catches at the sight of her bare breasts. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice tinged with reverence and awe. Her nipples are already so hard when he begins to tease them his fingertips and the sound Rey makes is somewhere between a gasp and a whimper when he finally takes one of her breasts into his mouth, suckling tenderly, his mouth hot and warm against her skin.

And then, much too soon, he pulls away.

“Ben, _please_ —”

“Rey,” he says, his voice low and ragged and just as desperate as hers as his hand slides lower towards her underwear. “Can I touch you?”

“Of course you can touch me. You can touch me anywhere you want, Ben,” she says as she stands up and lets her dress, and then her underwear, fall to the floor. He gazes at her, mesmerized and overwhelmed, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of her, all of her, laid bare for him. She lays herself down on the bed and pulls Ben toward her and he kisses her, one hand gripping her thigh, inching slowly closer to where she needs him the most.

She moans as she feels his fingers brushing against her.

Ben gasps. “You’re so wet,” he murmurs, appreciation evident in his voice.

He continues to tease her, exploring with his finger tips, but not giving her what she needs just yet. He starts kissing her stomach and she arches her back as his lips trail kisses down lower, past her belly button. He kisses the inside of her slender thighs and then in one dizzying moment his mouth is on her and nothing has ever felt more perfect.

She whimpers and moans as she feels his tongue sliding inside of her. He sucks on her clit and she grinds herself against his face, moaning his name as he continues to lick and suck at her. And when she feels one of his fingers slide into her, and then two, it is almost more than she can bear.

“ _Ben_ ,” she says desperately, “Ben, I need you... I need... _all_ of you. Now. _Please_.” 

He withdraws his lips and his fingers and it is agony. She tugs at his belt, desperate to see him, to touch him, to feel him inside of her.

“Patience, sweetheart,” he admonishes. 

Rey pouts. 

“I cannot _possibly_ be patient after you’ve made me wait an extra 24 hours when we could have very easily been doing this last night,” she chides.

“You needed to rest up for the premiere,” he insists. 

Rey rolls her eyes playfully.

“Whatever, Benjamin. Please just take off your trousers.” 

He smirks. “My _‘trousers’_?”

“What? That’s what they’re called,” she snaps.

“Perhaps in England,” he replies. “Here we just call them _pants._ ” 

“That’s so _weird..._ pants are what you wear _under_ your trousers. For example, _my_ pants are currently on the floor whereas yours are, somehow, _maddeningly_ , still on you, and I would very much like them _not_ to be, if you please, Ben.”

He shakes his head, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I’m never going to get used to this,” he kisses her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her chin. “To _you_ , sprawled out completely naked underneath me, so stunningly beautiful and all for me, looking at me like _that_ , wanting me like this...it still doesn’t feel real.”

“Perhaps it will feel more real when your cock is inside my throbbing wet cunt, Benjamin,” she tells him.

“ _Rey_ ,” he swallows hard again, his eyes still dark and fierce with desire and adoration, but now a hint of something like panic is glimmering in them, too. His nervousness and insecurity is at once endearing and frustrating; how can this beautiful man, this kind and gentle kindred spirit, so not the person she had once misjudged him to be, not see that he is worthy of her desire?

“Benjamin Solo,” she says softly, placing a hand on his cheek. He closes his eyes, leaning into her touch. “It’s just me, darling. I care about you so much, and I _need_ this, I need _you_ , even if you’re too daft to realize how wonderful you are, even if you’re too daft to realize just what you’ve done to me, Ben.”

Her words must have satiated his anxieties, because he kisses her again, and it is intense and slow and tender passionate yet growing steadily more desperate, more _hungry,_ and it is everything, _he_ is everything. And Rey, too, feels that familiar pang of terror at the implications of all of this, at the strength of her feelings for him, and she begins to realize that perhaps Kaydel isn’t entirely off-base with her insistence that what Rey feels for Ben is something much stronger than just liking him. Because what she is feeling right in this moment when he is so close to her, when his mouth is pressed against hers, the electric feel of his bare chest against her own, the warmth pooling in her chest, it’s nothing like she felt with stupid rugby boys at uni. She’s quite well acquainted with the feeling of lust, but _this_ , this is unmistakably something _more._

And it scares her to death, but she remembers something Ben had said to her a few days ago: _the only thing stronger than my fear is how much I want to be with you._ And she feels the same way about him, so she swallows her fears. Because for the first time, she has someone worth being brave for, someone worth the risk, someone who she is certain will be there to catch her when she falls.

He is all she has ever wanted and more. And she can’t wait any longer.

She pulls away from the kiss, leaving them gasping for air again.

“So, Benjamin, are you going to take off your trousers or what?” she says, eyes darting to his black trousers that are still infuriatingly on his body.

He chuckles and kisses her forehead, and then he does as she asks, pulling a condom out of his pocket before discarding his trousers in a heap on the floor next to Rey’s dress.

She rolls her eyes in playful frustration when he is still not as naked as she needs him to be.

“ _And_ your pants, Benjamin,” she scolds, tugging at the elastic band of his boxers.

“I was getting to that,” he insists, and he kisses her lips once more and then, _finally,_ he takes them off, and he is laid bare before her and her wanting for him is more powerful than she ever thought possible, and she is throbbing, _aching_ for him, and she needs him inside of her immediately. 

Well, not _quite_ immediately. There is still something else she wants to try first.

He still looks so adorably nervous and uncertain, which is baffling to her; how could someone working with...all _that_ could possibly have anything to be nervous and uncertain about?

“Remember what I was saying earlier, dearest? About how perhaps you’ll finally believe how much I want you when your massive cock is inside my mouth?” 

Ben swallows and draws in a shaky breath.

“Do you want that, darling? Do you want to have your cock inside my mouth?”

“Sweetheart, I...I don’t know if I’ll last if you do that,” he admits.

“I’ll only tease you a little bit, Benjamin, and then you can fuck me. Promise,” she adds, batting her eyes with a teasingly bashful smirk.

“You really are going to kill me, Rey,” he mutters under his breath. 

Rey grins smugly, and then she reaches out and touches him. He gasps and closes his eyes. She marvels at the feel of him, the look of him, so massive in her tiny hands. She wonders briefly if she will even be able to take all of him the way she so desperately needs to. She strokes him a few times and he moans, her hand encircled around his cock, before sliding him into her mouth. 

She moans in turn as she tastes the precome that is already leaking out of him as it slides down her throat. 

She loves the feel of him inside of her mouth, she thinks to herself as she begins to suck on him. She feels his hands sliding into her hair and she glances up at him, lips parted and eyes closed and she revels in the feeling that she has done this to him. She sucks at him harder and he groans as her name escapes his lips. She wants to taste his come in her throat but she will have to wait for another time because right now the only thing she wants more than that is him, _all_ of him, inside of her, right now.

She pulls herself away and looks up at him, licking her lips, and then laces her fingers into his hair and pulls him close to kiss him again. She feels how hard he is against her belly, throbbing and leaking and she can’t take it any longer. She instinctively takes him in her hand and starts to guide him towards her entrance, but he stops her.

“Rey,” he says softly. “Let me get the condom.”

“Wait — Ben —” she says, tugging at his arm. 

“Is something wrong? Is this too much? Do you want to stop, sweetheart?” he asks gently, his eyes tinged with concern.

“No, no, not at all, it’s not that,” She shakes her head and glances down nervously for a moment. “I — I’m on birth control, Ben, and I’ve been tested and I don’t have anything and... I was wondering if you’ve been tested recently, too?”

“I don’t have anything either,” he says. “Why do you ask?”

Rey takes a deep breath. “I just, Ben...I just really want you to come inside of me. But only if you’re comfortable with that.”

“Oh...” he says, trying to take in what he’s saying, and his brain seems to short circuit for a moment the way it always does when she is so forward with him about exactly what she wants. 

“Gah — I’m sorry — I shouldn’t have brought it up—” she stammers, but he stops her panicked stuttering with a tender kiss.

“I want that, too,” he tells her, lips brushing up against her ear and she whimpers. And then she feels him guiding himself inside of her and they both gasp as he eases into her. His eyes are locked on hers, worshipful and adoring as ever, and the rest of the world seems to fall away and all she can hear is the sound of their mingled, laboring breaths and her heartbeat blazing in her eardrums. 

“ _Ben_ ,” she gasps, her voice shaking as she feels him rocking into her. She instinctively begins to cant her hips against him. 

His hand is on her face and he strokes her cheek with his thumb and kisses her lips.

“Rey,” he manages between shaking breaths. “Rey, you feel... _so perfect_ , sweetheart.” He trails kisses down her neck and she whimpers and moans as he rains suckling kisses on her, and for a brief moment she’s worried he is going to leave marks, which would be inconvenient seeing as she has to perform tomorrow, but at this moment, she doesn’t care. All that matters is he is here with her, finally, all of him, all hers, and it’s all she has ever wanted, she thinks to herself as she feels his skin, glistening slightly with sweat, pressed up against her, as he rhythmically presses into her, the delicious sound of his moans in her ears.

The way their bodies move so naturally together, so rhythmically, _harmoniously,_ even, reminds her of when he sang with her the first time, the first moment she started to realize how much she cared about him, how much she wanted him, how much they have always been, somehow, magnetically drawn to one another, even when she insisted she hated him. But finally coming together like this feels like dissonant chords resolving into perfect harmony.

The sound of his voice in her ear snaps her out of her reverie. 

“Sweetheart,” he croons.

“Yes, Ben?” she replies, looking back into his dark eyes, at once hungry and adoring.

“It feels so good to be inside of you,” he tells her, his voice a low rumble.

“ _Fuck_ , Ben,” she moans, and he offers a wolfish half-smile in response. She smiles back at him and fiercely presses her open mouth against his. 

“Are you close, sweetheart?” he asks her.

She nods, whimpering. 

“Mmm, are you going to come for me?” he asks, thrusting somehow even deeper inside of her, and she can _hear_ the filthy evidence of exactly how wet she is echoing through her small apartment as he fucks her even harder and she nods again because she is too far gone now to form words and she is _so_ close now, _so so_ close — 

She shouts his name in a desperate gasp when she climaxes and she hears him moaning her name in his ear as he chases her orgasm with his and she feels his cock throb as he fills her with his come and she is so glad they said to hell with the condom.

He lingers inside of her for a moment, pressed on top of her as they gasp for air, their sweat-slicked bodies so perfectly intertwined, and then turns over so he is lying beside her on his back. She snuggles up against him, burying her face in his chest and hitching one of her legs over him. She sighs contentedly and feels him place a kiss against her forehead. She traces circles on his broad and muscular chest with her fingertips and feels him pulling her closer to him with an affectionate squeeze. He gently strokes her hair.

“Does this feel real _now_ , Ben Solo?” she asks, her voice soft and lilting, sleepy and drunk on the most exquisite pleasure she has ever known.

She can feel his smile against the top of her head and the rumble of his chuckle in his chest.

“It does,” he says softly.

“Good,” Rey smiles, her eyes drifting shut. She falls asleep in his arms, and it is the only place she ever wants to be.


	16. Chapter 16

_**The Next Morning** _

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When Ben awakens the next morning, he briefly forgets where he is. It is only when he turns to his side and finds Rey waiting expectantly with two mugs of tea that everything that happened between them the night before comes rushing back into his mind. He realizes that _miraculously_ he is _here_ , with _her_ , in her apartment, in her bed, and she is standing before him in a red satin knee length robe, her hair haphazardly tossed in a bun on her head and she has never been more beautiful.

“Well, good morning, dearest,” she says with a smirk. “You’ll have to forgive me as I don’t have coffee, only tea — I hope you don’t mind,” she says, placing the mugs on her bed side table.

Ben smiles.

“It’s quite alright,” he says. “As it happens, I’m rather fond of things from England.”

Rey scrunches up her nose and smirks at him. “Is that so, Benjamin?” she asks teasingly as she walks toward him. He pulls her in by her waist and she settles her arms around his neck and kisses him. 

When she pulls away, she raises her eyebrows and her lips twitch into a smile. 

“Your hair got all mussed up when you were sleeping,” she says playfully, running her fingers through it. “It’s very cute.”

Ben blushes slightly as he instinctively tries to fix it, but he stops short when she places another kiss on his lips, this one more deep and passionate. Ben’s hand slides down to her waist and he tugs at the tie of her robe.

Rey grins. “ _My_ , someone is impatient this morning,” she teases.

“Oh — I’m sorry — I —” Ben stammers.

She shakes her head and smiles that beautiful, perfect, radiant smile of hers again and his heart stops.

“I’m just teasing you, Benjamin,” she says as she leans in to kiss him again and then her lips are at his ear and her voice is a gentle whisper that makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. “I didn’t say I wanted you to stop.”

"Oh. Right. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

He resumes pulling at the tie of her robe until it gives and the robe is spread open. He gasps. She bites her lip and looks up at him playfully in that way that drives him insane and he is already almost painfully hard.

“Touch me, Ben,” she commands. “Ben, _please_ touch me.” 

And he does as he’s told even though his hands are shaking as they find their way to her breasts. He wastes no time sliding one of them into his mouth while he plays with her other nipple with his thumb and forefinger. He swirls his tongue around her nipple and he feels it getting hard in his mouth. She moans and his cock throbs. 

“ _Ben_ ,” she gasps. “ _Fuck_ , Ben, that feels so good.”

She bites her lower lip again, her breathtaking hazel eyes wide and needy as she meets his gaze and grabs his hand to guide it lower. It is then that Ben notices she’s not wearing any underwear and he inhales sharply as he grazes his fingertips against her. 

“So wet for me,” he murmurs and Rey whimpers in response. He slides two fingers inside of her and her resulting moan is nearly a shriek as she begins to cant her hips against his fingers. She is so wet and tight and _perfect_ and he revels in the way it feels to have his fingers inside her and knows her cunt will feel even more perfect when it is wrapped around his cock. 

He withdraws his fingers for a moment and Rey protests.

“Ben, _please_ , don’t stop —”

But he needs to taste her. He slides his fingers into his mouth and moans. 

“You taste _so fucking good_ , Rey,” he tells her. “Lie down for me, sweetheart,” he murmurs and she immediately complies, spreading her legs, lips parted, gazing up at him with a desperate desire that overwhelms him. 

He positions himself between her legs and presses his mouth against her. She tastes and feels just as perfect as she had the night before, he thinks to himself as he desperately, hungrily licks and suckles on her. He slides his fingers inside of her again as he continues to suck on her clit. He feels her hands slide into his hair and she moans his name.

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he tells her. “Rey, I need you to come for me.”

“ _Fuck,”_ she gasps, desperately grinding herself against his face.

With his tongue still swirling against her clit, he starts fucking her harder with his fingers and she’s so wet that it makes an obscene sound. 

He feels her cunt pulsate and throb around his fingers when she comes, whimpering his name and pulling tighter on his hair.

He sits up and wipes her juices from his lips with the back of his hand and moves up so that he can kiss her. He moans when he feels her licking at his lips and sliding her tongue into his mouth. He tangles his fingers in her hair and gasps when he suddenly feels her hand on his cock. 

“ _Ben,”_ she pleads, guiding the head of his cock towards her entrance. “Ben, _please_ fuck me.”

He immediately slides inside of her, and she feels even more perfect than he remembers. 

“Rey,” he gasps. “I can’t believe how perfect you feel. I can’t believe how — _fucking_ — perfect it feels to have my cock inside of you.”

Rey whimpers and forcefully presses her lips to his mouth. 

“So — perfect —” he manages as he continues to press up into her. 

He is trembling and his breaths are labored when their eyes meet and she is so, _so_ beautiful with her warm hazel eyes, flecked with gold and green, completely transfixed on him, gentle tendrils that have found their way out of her bun pressed against the sweat gathering on her forehead. There is an intensity in her gaze, as if she is trying to prove to him just how much she wants him, despite his unending disbelief that this captivating, charming, strong, fierce woman could ever feel that way towards him. He is thinking of this when kisses her, hands holding her face and stroking her cheeks. 

He has never wanted anyone as badly as he wants her — as he _needs_ her. He has never experienced anything quite so maddening as her coy flirtations and incessant teasing, or the way she bites her lower lip and gazes up at him with pleading, desperate eyes. And he has certainly never felt anything like the warmth that spreads in his chest when she flashes that perfect smile like radiant sunshine — truly his goddess of spring — or the intense adoration he feels when she sings his music in a way that arrests his heart and his senses.

And, above all, no one else has ever made him want to re-evaluate the way he has lived his life; no one has ever made him believe he could be better — until he met her.

He spent his whole life building up walls to push people away, but she has torn them all down in a matter of only four weeks, and he isn’t sure he will ever recover from someone walking into his life and stealing his heart so quickly and completely.

Now she is lifting her hips and desperately grinding against him, gasping and moaning, and it immediately snaps him out of his train of thought. 

“Ben,” she groans, “I need you deeper.”

He smiles and kisses her. “Let me try something,” he says, and then he lifts her leg onto his shoulder and she shrieks.

“Oh, _fuck_ — fuck — Ben — that’s _perfect_ , please don’t stop.”

He is deeper in her than he ever imagined he could be and she is stunning as she looks up at him with both adoration and ferocious resolve and he still can’t believe that she is his. 

“Rey, sweetheart, I need to come. I need to come inside you,” he groans desperately as he begins to swirl his thumb on her clit. 

She whimpers and arches her back and cries out his name as she comes, her cunt clenching around his cock and he comes inside of her and it is perfect, _she_ is perfect.

He kisses her forehead and then her lips and agonizingly withdraws himself from her, collapsing beside her as they both gasp for air. 

He feels her lace her fingers with his own as she rests her head against his chest. He closes his eyes so she won’t see the tears that are beginning to prickle in them. 

Because he can’t ignore the obvious truth, even if he has only known her for a month.

He loves her. He loves her _so much._

Almost more than he can bear.


	17. Chapter 17

* * *

**A text that Ben almost sends but then deletes:**

****

**And a text that Rey almost sends but then deletes:**

****

****

****

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

**What Ben wants to say to Rey, but doesn't:**

****

* * *

**Another unsent text:**

****

****

****

****

****

****


	18. Chapter 18

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

_**What Rey really wanted to say:** _

_**** _

_**What Ben really wanted to say:** _

_**** _

_**** _

_**Another unsent text:** _

_**** _

_**** _


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

**_Rey is currently listening to:_ **

**__ **

* * *

**_What she really wanted to say:_ **

**__ **

* * *

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

_**What Ben wants to say :(** _

_**** _

* * *

* * *

* * *

Rey’s eyes are still red and swollen from crying when she opens the door to let Ben in. When she looks up at him, she can see that he has been crying, too. His chin quivers slightly as he tries to form words.

“Can I — can I come in?” he finally manages. 

Rey nods wordlessly, sniffling slightly. Ben follows as she makes her way to the couch, the silence between them hanging heavy in the air. They sit at the edge of the sofa, somewhat awkwardly far apart, and Rey begins nervously picking at the red fabric of the couch cushions. 

She had been so excited to watch her favorite version of _The Phantom of the Opera_ with him, to share something that means so much to her.

When she was a little girl, she used to get the Original London Cast Recording from the library and listened to it whenever she got a spare moment without her foster parents screaming in her ears. She always had a particular fondness for the hopelessly romantic “All I Ask of You.” She used to wonder what it would be like to fall in love with someone who could make her forget her wide-eyed fears. 

She always believed the belonging she sought was ahead of her, and she always hoped that someday someone could understand her, and maybe even love her, and she could finally begin to build the family she had always longed for.

And yet, the moment she started to believe she may have found what she had been looking for, she immediately went into panic mode. Her default setting has always been to push people away when they get too close, for fear that maybe she really is just as unloveable as her foster families always told her she was. It’s a natural defense mechanism, built up after years of being abandoned again and again and again. She learned to stop letting herself get her hopes up long ago to protect her fragile heart. And, admittedly, her heart is much stronger these days, but that’s all the more reason to be protective of it. 

Kaydel was right when she said that Rey has been in love with Ben since the moment she first heard him sing, and she has been falling hard ever since, no matter how vehemently she had tried to deny it to her friends. But after hearing _that_ song, watching _that_ scene together, she can no longer ignore the blazing truth that she hopelessly, impossibly, endlessly in love with Benjamin Solo. And it scares her to death.

So she shut down. She closed herself off from him. She pushed him away. She asked him to leave with barely any explanation. She sat alone and cried for hours. He tried to check in and see if she was alright, but she turned off her phone. Eventually, she texted Kaydel and Rose, and they encouraged her to talk to Ben about how she was feeling. So she reluctantly tried to text him something with her shaking hands. She told him it’s still so hard for her to believe someone could choose her. She told him how scared she is of getting her heart broken. But not much more. She wanted to turn her phone off again and just go to sleep. She thought maybe by the morning she would have the guts to end things, because that’s what she always does the moment she realizes she has feelings for someone. Better to get it over with now. Better to leave before you get left. 

But he insisted on talking to her, insisted he had something important to tell her that he couldn’t possibly just text her. She assumed, of course, that he wanted to break up with her — who could blame him, after she freaked out like that for no reason? — but he assured her that was not the reason. She still isn’t entirely convinced he _isn’t_ about to dump her, but she doesn’t think Ben would lie to her. 

She’s still anxiously picking at the couch cushions when she feels his hand rest on top of hers, gently halting her nervous fidgeting. She hesitantly glances up at him, and she feels tears pooling in her eyes again when she meets his gaze, so fervent and adoring and concerned. He is so beautiful, he is her Ben, and she loves him more than she can stand, and she feels that familiar panic rising in her chest, but something about the presence of Ben’s hand on top of her own softens the ache and slows down her spiraling thoughts.

“So, er — you wanted to tell me something, Ben?” she asks.

Ben swallows hard. He is visibly nervous, and she begins to wonder if maybe he really is about to break up with her.

“Rey,” he says. “You told me — you told me it’s still so hard for you to believe that someone could choose you, that someone could actually want to stay. And I understand why you feel that way, after everything you’ve been through. But Rey, I just need you to know that I _am_ choosing you, and I am not going anywhere because...” 

He pauses and takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Because I love you, Rey. I love you so much,” he tells her. 

And when he says this, the ache in her chest disappears and, for the first time in her life, the spiraling thoughts in her neurotic brain go silent.

She feels tears pouring down her cheeks when she does the only thing she can think to do in that moment — she grabs his face and kisses him deeply, desperately, passionately, knotting her fingers in his hair as she feels him wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in closer to him.

They eventually need oxygen and are left gasping for air, foreheads gently pressed together. Rey sniffs, still crying, but a smile starts peeking across her face, and she chuckles to herself. Ben gives her a quizzical look and she shakes her head.

“I’ve left you on read again, haven’t I?” she says playfully. She laughs again and pulls away just enough so that she can wipe her tears. 

Ben’s adoring eyes are now tinged with confusion and a familiar nervousness. Rey smiles as she reaches up to stroke his cheek. 

“I love you, too, Benjamin Solo,” she tells him, and he presses his lips against hers and kisses her fiercely, pulling her onto his lap as his tongue slides into her mouth and his arms encircle her waist. 

She pulls away slightly so she can look at him.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you,” she admits, as she begins gently tracing his face with her finger tips. 

Ben’s brows furrow as he tilts his head, visibly surprised.

"You have?” he asks.

Rey laughs. 

“Yes, I have,” she tells him as she brushes a stray strand of hair out of his face. “I kept typing it in text messages and then deleting it.”

“Oh my God,” he says, shaking his head as he laughs.

“What?” Rey asks.

“I’ve been doing the exact same thing, but I thought it was too soon and it would be too much and I would scare you away so I never went through with it. Well, that and the fact that I wanted to tell you in person,” he explains.

“So, basically, we’re both bloody idiots who think too much,” Rey remarks. She laughs again and buries her face in his chest.

“I love you,” she murmurs softly.

He kisses the top of her head.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he tells her, and the warmth that spreads in her chest when he says these words to her is like nothing she has ever felt. 

He absent-mindedly runs his fingers through her hair as she rests her head on his chest.

“Honestly, Rey,” he continues. “I think I’ve been in love with you from the moment I first heard you sing — which was extremely inconvenient as I had just made a huge deal about firing you for being young and inexperienced and apparently not good enough for my opera. So that’s why, those first few weeks of rehearsals, I was even more of an asshole than I normally was because I wanted to shut down my feelings, I wanted to push you away, but instead the opposite happened—instead you decided to tell me _exactly_ what you thought of me in no uncertain terms.”

Rey looks up at him and smirks. “I hope you’re not expecting an apology.”

“Of course not,” he continues. “It was something I’ve desperately needed to hear for so long. And the thing is, Rey, you could’ve just ignored me and let me continue to get away with acting like that the way people always have, but you didn’t.” 

He smiles at her again as he brushes her cheek with the back of his hand. 

“So, not only had I found someone who finally cared enough to hold me accountable, but she also happened to be beautiful and unbelievably talented and adorably British, and every time she calls me an idiot I somehow fall a little more in love with her.”

Rey laughs and kisses him again.

“I love you, Ben,” she says softly as she kisses both of his cheeks. She rests her forehead against his. “And I am going to do my best to talk to you instead of pushing you away when I get scared, because that isn’t fair to you. But now that I know how you feel, I think it will be easier for me to open up. I’m not quite as worried that I’m going to scare you away.”

“Rey, you’re not going to scare me away, I promise. You don’t have to feel ashamed and embarrassed about your feelings around me, ever,” he sighs deeply as he gently touches her cheek. “I don’t want you to feel scared, sweetheart. I want you to let me reassure you of how much I love you.”

Rey smiles, and tears are beginning to prickle in her eyes again. “I will,” she tells him, and she means it. “I promise, Ben.”

And then she kisses him again, more slowly this time, holding his face between her hands as she savors the taste of his lips, soft and full against her own.

“I do need you to reassure me,” she murmurs. “I need you to show me, Ben.” She gingerly takes his hand and guides it lower. “I need you to show me how much you love me.”

* * *

And he does.

He tells her how much he loves her with his lips brushing against her neck. He tells her he loves her as his hand slides between her legs and she knows he loves her when he reverently marvels at how wet she is for him.

He tells her he loves her as he kisses each of her thighs and she can feel how much she loves him when his mouth is on her, licking her open, pulling her closer to him, holding her tight. 

She tells him she loves him as he continues his worshipful ministrations, intense resolve in his eyes, and no one has ever loved her so gently, so softly, so perfectly. She tells him she loves him and the words come out in whimpers and moans until she can no longer form words at all, and when he makes her come she cries out his name. 

But she is still unsatisfied; she still needs more of him — all of him. 

She is still on the sofa, and he is kneeling before her, his head is resting against her thigh, eyes closed.

“Ben,” she says softly, letting her fingertips brush through his hair. He opens his eyes and gazes up at her. 

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I need you to fuck me, Ben,” she tells him. “I want to make you come.”

* * *

When they are in her bed and he is finally naked, she traces his skin with her fingertips, memorizing the angles of his face, her fingers delicately tracing down his neck, to his collarbone, across his shoulders, down his arms, across his chest. She wants to memorize every inch of him.

She gasps when she feels him sliding into her, and she will never get over how perfect it feels to have him inside of her. She closes her eyes and grips at her sheets, desperate for something, anything, to help steady her. She feels his lips brushing against her ear.

“Rey,” he says, his voice low and breathless, “Open your eyes, sweetheart. Please,” he adds, a tinge of desperation in his voice.

She does as she’s told and she holds his gaze. There was a time in her life when she would have desperately looked away if someone looked at her like _that_ , and even now there’s a part of her that wants to let her eyes dart to the ceiling or to the floor, to hide from his love. But she keeps her eyes fixed on him, and she never wants to look at anything else.

She is still looking at him when she comes, his name escaping her lips, and she is still looking at him when she feels him filling her as he moans her name.

He collapses beside her and they are both gasping for air. When her breathing returns to something resembling normalcy, she wraps herself around him, and he pulls her in close against his chest. Rey hums contentedly as his fingers run through her hair. He kisses the top of her head and squeezes her tightly.

“I love you, Rey,” he tells her softly, his voice tender and vulnerable and adoring.

“I love you, too,” she replies sleepily. She feels safe and calm in his arms. Loving him makes her feel strong, and no matter what happens, she will never regret deciding to be brave for him. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'Goddess of Spring' poster was made by my brilliant friend [Lena!](http://twitter.com/bensoloswhore) <3

**_Rey is currently listening to:_ **

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

It’s after 10 a.m., but they haven’t left her bed yet. Rey is sipping a cup of tea and texting Kay and Rose about what happened the night before, her head resting against Ben’s chest. He absentmindedly runs his fingers through her hair while he scrolls through his emails. 

He recognizes the name of the Metropolitan Opera’s music director in his inbox, and he immediately opens the email, feeling his heart start to race. 

They want to include “Hades and Persephone” in the 2020-21 season — but only if Rey will reprise her role as Persephone. He already knows what Rey’s answer will be; he knows this is her dream.

“Rey?” he says gently, trying to conceal the excitement in his voice.

“Mmm, yes, darling?” she replies lazily without looking up from her phone. 

“I just got an email from the music director at the Met,” he informs her.

Rey immediately bolts upright, tossing her phone aside.

“ _What_?”

Ben smirks. 

“The music director at the Met just emailed me saying they want to include ‘Hades and Persephone’ in their upcoming season,” he says. “But they only want to do it if you’ll play Persephone again.”

Rey’s expression dances between awe and bewilderment and disbelief. 

“Benjamin Solo, shut the fuck up you are LYING, they did _not_ —”

He cuts her off, handing her his phone.

“See for yourself, sweetheart.”

Rey gasps and covers her mouth with her hand when she reads the words on the screen in front of her, and she feels goosebumps on her neck and tears forming in her eyes. 

“I’m dreaming right, Ben? This is a dream,” she says, her gaze still transfixed on Ben’s phone screen.

“You’re not dreaming, sweetheart,” Ben murmurs, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. He is beaming at her; he couldn’t possibly be more proud or more in love or more overjoyed for her.

And at that moment it seems to finally dawn on her that _yes_ , this is really happening. The dream of her life has somehow — miraculously, impossibly — just come true. So, of course, she bursts into tears — happy tears, the happiest tears she has ever cried, save for the tears she cried the night before when Ben told her he loved her for the first time. 

Her tears give way to laughter and she is still smiling when she kisses Ben.

“I love you so much, and I am so proud of you,” he tells her. “You deserve this so much, Rey.”

“I love you, too,” she says, still sniffling from her tears, still glowing with radiant joy. “Did you email him back, by the way?”

“No, I was too eager to tell you. Also, I thought it might be a good idea to wait a moment before messaging him back — if I email him back immediately it might raise suspicions about how I got your answer so fast and, you know, he might jump to conclusions and think something preposterous, like perhaps I got your answer immediately because you are literally lying next to me in bed right now,” Ben says playfully. 

“Oh _please_ , Benjamin, everyone already knows about us anyway. We were already cancelled by the internet, don’t you remember, dearest? I’m sure he’s already aware of, er — _Reylo,”_ she says with a sardonic emphasis on the ridiculous name Kaydel had given them.

“ _Reylo_?” he echoes, bewildered.

Rey laughs.

“It’s the celebrity couple name Kaydel has given us,” she tells him.

“Kaydel came up with a celebrity couple name for us?” he chuckles, shaking his head. “Why am I not surprised?”

“That’s Kaydel for you,” Rey remarks. “Anyways, Benjamin, please just text him back already so we can celebrate.”

“Oh, did you want to get a bottle of champagne or something?” Ben asks.

“ _God_ , you’re so bloody _daft_ sometimes, Benjamin,” Rey says, laughing again. “I had...something _else_ in mind...” 

He tilts his head, confused.

“What do you mean?”

Rey laughs and buries her face in her hands. He is so fucking stupid and it is absolutely maddening, but also part of why she loves him so much. 

“Good God Benjamin, please just text that man back so we can have celebratory sex already.”  
  


“ _Oh_ , _that’s_ what you meant —” 

Rey hands Ben his phone. 

“Please don’t keep me waiting all day, darling.”

* * *

**SEVEN MONTHS LATER**

* * *

**_The Met announces their 2020-21 season._ **

* * *

**_The night of the Goddess of Spring premiere_ **

* * *

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi to me on [Twitter!](http://twitter.com/darthswift13) I post a lot of social media fics like this over there :-)

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me on [Twitter!](http://twitter.com/darthswift13)


End file.
